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I'm one angry bird!

Started by Trish323 on 11/26/2012 9:39pm

Now that the dust has settled I need to vent. I am so angry with myself for spending the past couple of days acting like I'm just fine, and all the walking we did was fine, and all the sitting, was fine. I was acting like I was recovering from a sprained ankle and not a 3 level lumbar fusion. I wanted so badly to let everyone think I was just fine! I'm not fine! I'm hurting and I don't even know who I am this hobbling person with the big stupid smile on my face. I so desperately don't want to be like my sister who has "suffered" for so long with "chronic pain " now that I have the pain I have from this surgery I look at her and think in my heart I really do believe she is a hyperchondriac. There is nothing she doesn't do except talk about how much pain she is in but I don't see it... Ever. All of her movements are normal, she walks fine, bends fine, can paint a room, vacuum etc. everyone knows this and I don't want to be labelled as she is. I feel like I over compensated over the holiday. I wanted everyone to see that I was getting better because I am so afraid if I don't ill fall into the trap she's in. She had a work injury and I think she has an ulterior motive for keeping this going for herself. God strike me dead if she is truly suffering then she deserves to not work or provide for herself. Anyway, I'm super frustrated that my behavior was trying to show everyone how great I'm doing.... WTF!! No I'm miserable. Aching and in pain so bad I can barely walk.

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Trish, I know ur sufferering beyond able to endur it..dont be mad at yourself,,,U d it for the kids,,think back to when u opened that door to find them there,,U were so happy,,U enjoyed every minute w them.Even if they didnt come U would still have this pain,,maybe not as intense,but it would still B there.think of it this way,,it was the holiday,,and u might have moved or lifted or did something to make u hurt more,,but instead it was the visit,,wouldnt U rather it have been the visit than by just doin something wrong on thanksgiving to cause the pain.Dont I always tell U every sunday I put on the fake smile for my kids and cook n clean just to have that sunday dinner w/them N then every monday I suffer..U did it for those little smiles,,,I know it was worth it for u. Let me make U laugh,,,today at 12:15 I go to see a new PM doc,bcause that other one dumped me last week. On your first visit they R always super conservative on how much meds they scriptU,,so today Im expecting to only get enough percocet to treat it like a deers salt stick N every so often Ill B ablle to just lick one...Im an easy patient all I need is 6 tabs per day of 7.5/325 and im a happy camper,,I dont think thats unreasonable considering my condition, 4 per day is a tease and a joke, I NEED 6 DAMNIT. ...And its FN freezing here, itss suppose to snow,,hows the weather there, Im gonna come visit U.Hang in there my friend,,make today, a pill induced stuper day,top it w/wine and just sit in that cozy recliner ofyours,,,take 2 tabs every 4 hours,Trust me,its not too much. and start of w/ a liquid breakfast ( wine) its never to early.lol......Find U later Rene :)

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Trish, I think we all did the same thing over the holiday. My mother-in-law said, "Well you seem to be moving around a lot better." The whole time I wanted to scream, instead I had that stupid smile plastered on my face...I got home on Sunday eve, I haven't got dressed yet. I planted myself in my recliner, got out my laptop, took my meds drank some wine and relaxed. I know exactly what you did and why. We want everyone to be happy...we don't want to be the "Debbie Downer." Don't be so hard on yourself, you're just being human. :) Just relax now and exhale, take it easy and take what meds you need to get comfortable. (I always have some meds stashed for these occasions because I know they are coming.)
Rene, good luck this afternoon with the new pm. I'll be watching for your posts, so you better be telling us what happens. Maybe if you tell him 2 percs every 4 hrs barely touches the pain he'll give them to you...almost like they want to keep you hurting. Ask him about the Butrans Patch and percs for breakthrough pain, maybe that'll work for you.
Hope to hear from everyone soon,
Janet :)

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What would I do without you guys??? Oh what a day I'm having. I woke up took my 2 Percs at 6:30. Got in shower at 8 so I could be out the door by 9:00am.
Due to take meds at 10:30 am again but i can make it. dont want a fresh dose and have to drive. Big day, 30 min drive each way to surgeons office to pick up the written script for pain meds. Each week I go, I feel like they are handing me a scratch off ... I never know when the script is going to be changed. I hobble out to the car take a look, wow.. Same script! I'm amazed really. 10/325 Percocet. 1-2 tab every 4-6 hours. I am pretty faithful in needing the 2 every 4. So I pick the script up, drive 35 mins back to my town drive directly to CVS drive thru to drop it off to be filled. Sounds easy right? WRONG! I sat behind the car at the window for 20 freakin minutes.. Now I'm pissed, I'm hurting, my right foot is completely numb..I need my meds that are at home.. I gave up waiting, backed up and drove off like a maniac, parked the car and had to go in. Surely dropping off a script takes 2 seconds, right?? WRONG!!
OMG!! 2 people ahead of me in the flipping line... I'm hurting so bad and so angry the tears just start flowing... Finally I hand the dumbass the script and she says" oh we don't have anymore till the first of the year?? What??? She says yea we reached our limit for the year.. So now I'm crying, yelling and out of control. What the F*** am I supposed to do?? " we'll you will have to go to another pharmacy. " defeated I hobble to my car, got in and sat there and just sobbed. Not because of any
one thing just all of it. My mind was racing thinking this is just wrong! We have to fix this!! Why are we being punished ?? Isn't having the pain enough??
Is this situation nationwide or is it state by state? Who do we complain to?? I need answers!!!!!!

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Trish, I just read your post and hurried (OK, I hobbled) to the phone and called in my re-fill. I am one of the lucky ones. ( For the time being anyway.) My family Dr. gives me the Butrans Patch 20 mg with 6 months worth of refills and 120 of Lortab 10/325 a month with 6 refills on those. I only have to go in every 6 months and sometimes not even then. I've been taking Lortab since 2005 and it doesn't work very well so I will be going back in Dec to see if there's anything else that will work better. My family Dr. moved to urgent care in another city so I wont see her again, so who knows what to expect, but I wont run myself out of meds before I know.
I hear you about the driving. That's why I haven't driven in so long, not with a numb leg and spasms in my back from sitting.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You should let your fingers do the walking and call pharmacies to make sure they have your meds 1st. That's what I'm going to do if it happens to me.
I hope Rene has good luck today too.
Janet :)

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Trish,

Bless your heart! I have never heard of a pharmacy not getting meds in because they have reached their limit for the year. That is just bull I believe. I don't use a big pharmacy, I use a small mom and pop only because I had problems in the past with the big ones. I hated CVS! As far as you having to go to the doctor each week to get your scripts, can they e-file them to a pharmacy? I can't believe that he has you coming each week. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Hugs to you!

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I agree with everything Dana said.
Janet :)

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I know how you feel...I pretended every day since i got hurt that I was fine...always a smile and always a good mood...even though I was suffering big time..And as far as meds...blahhh..no more percs..and i am scared to say anything just in case..and percs seem to help the best...The only thing is they make me tired..so I wouldnt mind 2 before bed...because most nites I need them...And today...I have burning pain down my left leg and in the foot...Oh no....did I do too much today....it's bothering me soo much...I did have my appt with my surgeon today but couldn't make it as my husband was sick along with my son and i had noone to drive me....so I changed it for friday..on top of that ...i really am looking forward to my xray on friday because thanksgiving day..I hit into the counter as I was walking by and it hit my whole left side....my PM said nothing should have happened but you never know...Why is my leg hurting...and my foot burning....imagine going through all this and I am still the same...On a good note..I got my meds delivered to my front door today...it's for a w/c pharmacy..so thats nice and easy...w/c is a pain in the buttocks when it comes to prescriptions so i decided to go this route...easy

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Thank you all, seriously. I had the worst pity party ever today. Just woke up, missed taking meds so more pain. My husband just picked up my prescription. Does that make sense! He's allowed to get the pills but not allowed to pick up the script. Oh I need to feel better so I can research this BS. We are just pawns.
Lorine, I hit my right hip on the corner of the kitchen counter 2 weeks ago. I too hope I didn't screw anything up.
I haven't even seen the surgeon since I was in the hospital. My next appt is dec. 5 th. it's a wed. And he is in the office on that day so I better see him! I think part of my issue is you can go along for a few days and feel like you have the pain figured out, then BAM! It's back with a vengeance and you have to start over.
I feel like the medical profession is ignoring our pleas. There has to be a way that they hear us! Yes I am glad we are all here for each other, but change needs to happen!! Rene is the perfect example of someone trying to take care of herself, and it seems she is being cut off at every pass. Somehow we have to be a voice and let the powers that be know what we have to endure!! Xoxo

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Hi Ladies,,What an allday process did I endur,,was out of the house at 11:45 to return past 5:30..This new doc Finally put me on correct meds, oxycodone 10 mg 2x daily..Percocet 7.5/325 4 per day for breakthrough pain,Zanaflex (muscle relaxer) 4mg 3x day,and flector patches ,similiar to lidoderm patches,,so Im extactic,came to my town and 4 pharmacies later noone has meds,get bck into car head west 20min to patchogue to finally find shopright to have meds,ripped open that bag so fast took them all and chewed away,by the time I got home I looked like the wicked witch of the west.So yes Trish its not uncommon for them to either not have them or to not have the correct dose needed,,I told U guys B4, bcause I live in shirley,,where alot of low income,toothless wonders live,,CVS told me straight to my face one time that they dont carry these meds due to the area,,Fine, but im not a low income toothless wonder so penalize all of us living here. So being today the first visit, as usual all my first visits go good then when its time for the next is when everything goes sour,,I pray to god this is the end of my searching for a real PM doc/office, once I make my next appearance and if all goes well then Ill have my party, but untill then I still feel its to good to B true.Im loving this painfree moment right now,its been a long time waiting. Trish I hope U found ur meds,,Lorine and Janet if U do,,Cheers to tonight. wish I had some wine,I really would b happy. more blogs to read,I see ur on also Trish so Im trailin right behind U on the reading,,Rene :)

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So HAPPY FOR YOU RENE!!! Did it take a lot of arguing or did he understand why you were requesting what you did? You are such an inspiration to all of us! Now we need to get Lorine on better meds so she isn't so miserable. Basically Lorine and I had similar surgeries and my meds have not been reduced... Yet.... And hers were. We're is the standard protocol here? Lorine you need to take a page out of Rene's book and tell your doc you feel worse since meds were changed and that you were making good progress on the perc 10's. I guess it boils down to having to really push them to believe you! I am only taking the perc 10 and nothing else. 2 tabs every 4 hours faithfully keeps me in manageable pain. When do you see the Doc again Lorine? Be assertive... No aggressive! Maybe that will work. Xo

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I see the doc friday...I am very upset here because i have the burning shooting leg and foot pain...i hope nothing happened...and right now my legs are full of electricity and the left foot was burning all day...Did I do something....??....it just started today and all i did was straighten the house out...Maybe if I find any percs in my drawer...maybe that will help...The hydrocodone does nothing...I don/t know..maybe tomorrow will be better after I am off my feet for the night..But then again..then nights aren't any better because the electricity at times is soo bad it freaks me out..besides all the leg twitching and vibrations....I hope I didn't do this for nothing...And GOD FORBID.....the doc says something happened and has to fix something...I don't think I can do it again...My hubby says i am freaking out...maybe I am....but it is scary...then i wonder if h gives me the percs after i filled the hydrocodone from pm...will the w/c cover it...I get scared that they will think i am getting too many meds..I don't know..and my PM gave me cymbalta ..he said it will help with the nerves...anyone ever try it?...well..thanks for listening...I am going to try to get some sleep..see everyone in the morning...!

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Lorine,,I have been using cymbalta for years,,my pcychiatrist prescribes it to me along w/the valium and seroquel. The seroquel is for sleeping,its not a narcotic like ambien,and boy does it pack a punch,an hour after taking it you better be in crawling reach to your bed..The cymbalta is used for deppression and neuropathy pain,,I feel it works,,The neurontin N lyrica made me blow up like a thanksging day balloon..Ask for samples B4 u commit to it,,remember it takes 2wks for it to reach that therpeutic level, so U have to give it sometime,,,no bloating at all. Do u see a psychiatrist,I have for the past 2 years almost,,I find it helps alot, I go 2xmonth,through him/her U would B able to get samples and they prescibe what PM doesnt,,the valium is used for a muscle relaxer and anti-anxiety..Stay far away from xanax,,I was on that for 5 yrs,I havnt touched that stuff in about 2yrs, That stuff is wicked,,fast acting but wicked,I call it the give me more drug,,now I know what herion addicts feel like,,U take it and want more,more,more. The withdrawals are undescribable and painful,if you go tho a shrink,either get the valium or klonopin,,klonopin is long acting,,,U guys should look into it,it stops the mood swings,,keeps U at that peaceful, relaxing, I dont give a sh--t level..enjoy your morning ladies,,,Rene :)

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my son was just given klonopin for his anxiety and stuff while he goes through all the BS with his ex...What a shame...hey did you hear about the woman who misstook her valium for her birth control pills....She has 14 kids...but she didn't care...lol

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@ Lorine : I just made a trip to Walgreens , going to try the miralax that Rene suggested weeks ago for the constipation.. While I was there I purchased a pair of
MIRACLE SOCKS in the " as seen on TV" section. ( I love all that shi*)
I got size sm/med for my husky legs.. Anyway I put them on and they really feel great!! The nerve burning is calmer.. They feel really good! I'm leaving them on and even gonna sleep with them and see how it feels in the AM. Can you tell I'm getting desperate to get rid of the leg pain??
Oh! I also found this lotion called " skin MD" it's pricey but OMG! It is fantastic stuff!! Can ya tell I haven't been out much? LOL
Don't be too worried, I think if you had really hurt something you would have been in the ER BY NOW. my doc told me it can take up to a year for the nerve to settle down. I hope it's not permanent and we'll both be much better next year!!
I'm going to admit that I am smoking. Right back to where I left off. Last night I was dreaming about smoking the ecig... I was impressed. But that was only a dream. If I wasn't smoking I would have to be taking something to keep me calm. I'm disappointed in myself but have tried to stop and I caved.
The sun is out and I do feel better today emotionally. I guess we are allowed to have a little breakdown every now and then. Sometimes I get tired of being strong and smiling.
Hug that baby boy of yours Lorine. They are always our babies no matter how old they are. It's not an easy road ahead of him. Xo

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lol@Lorine's joke.
Yep, stay the hell away from xanax. I was on it a long time too and it's hell coming off the stuff. I used to call it my "I don't give a shit" pill...but you will when you come off it! I use Ativan (sp?) when I get too stressed, but not very often, only about 3 doses a week, although I could use it more often...Just scared it'll be the same as when I came off xanax.
Rene, YEAH! You got your meds. :) (I got some wine.) :)
I'm going in to see my (new) family Dr. tomorrow to see about changing from Lortab to Percs for a while. The surgeon gave me one months worth of meds only after my surgery, hmph. The idiot, I have been on meds since my 1st injury in 2005. Granted I went from morphine to lortab after my lumbar fusion, but this isn't going to go away, especially since I've had the cervical fusion also. So I'm on meds for life, like some of you will be.
@Trish, I wish there was a way to have a louder voice. Is there a chronic pain organisation? If there is, I'll be joining it.
I'm going to read some more posts and try and find my happy place I call "Janet land."
Janet :)

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Yea is right,,,but will it stay this way/ thats the scary part..I can spend hours reading and rereading these blogs,,I luv them..Everytime I see the new Geico commertial where the witch is flyin around on the broom I think of ur comment and go hysterical.. Mario said I spend s much time downstairs in my computer room hes gonna move my bed down here..Its my way of relaxing,,better than trying to withstand him forever changing the channel or footbal (must b a guy thing,,constsntly changn channel) it drives me nuts,,so I too rather b in Renes lala land.and if we get together we can play checkers w/ the percocet ,,King ME,,lol time to shower n get ready for PT,,Ill find yas later,,n Trish U have all afternoon to surf web, an outdoor jacuzzi would B nice,not necessary but nice so we can soak these old bones of ours,,,,,,,xo Rene :)

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Trish, I Get IT !!!!!!! I have dealt with L3-S1 pain for over 30 years. My 2 kids,and 1 spouse are RNs as well as myself. If I did complain, they wouldnt come around. If I need to take pain medication, they said I was a Drug Addict for taking prescribed meds every day as ordered. I'm so tired of this mind set with people!!!!! I hurt ALL the time. my fusion,instrumentation,bone graft is this Wed.!!! I'm sooo glad that someone understands how I feel, MISERABLE!! ( I think they are really upset that i'm not at their becken call>>>>)

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It's time to be more honest with people. I don't want to be a sad sap and I'm certainly not. When I feel good it shows; when I don't I'm getting better at expressing that too!
So to continue the saga of having to got to docs office to pick up script for Percocet. Made my weekly pilgramage and got back closer to home to get it filled. Well!! Guess what???
There is NO PERCOCET available to be dispensed around here. All the pharmacies are out of it and don't know when into the new year they will have it again!! WTF is going on??? So I called the docs office and asked if they had a PLAN B. so instead of percocet10/325 they called in
Hydrocodone/ Tylenol 10/500. That they can call in. That's one good thing. Then the nurse from doc office called me back and said to please be sure to bring back the script for the Percocet... Ok.. I will do that. But folks.. I don't know if this issue is mainly affecting Florida or it is nationwide.
All I know is I refuse to suffer in pain because of this sh*t! I will try the new script for 2 days and see how it goes. after that I'm gonna make a trip to Denver Co and see if I can find some weed ; )
Anyone else having any issues getting perc??

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Trish, I got a script for oxycodone 10mg, went to 5 different places before I found it. ( I'm thinking of MOVING to Colorado!)

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Janet we don't have to move there... Just vacation 1 x month!!!!

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