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Feeling Useless

Started by deanna0731 on 04/04/2017 9:40pm

I have been suffering with low back pain from an injury in 1999 and am now dealing with the damage, I have lifetime medical with workmans comp but even though 4 doctors have recommended surgery the insurance keeps denying it. I feel like I am useless because I am unable to do my daily activities like taking care of my home and husband. I can hardly do anything with fear I will get hurt. The pain is chronic and severe. I have had aprox 10 epidurals which helped but am no longer able to receive them. I am concerned about what I should do and not do. I bought myself a recumbent bicycle for after surgery and for recovery. Now it looks like I won't get my surgery and don't know if I should use my bike or sell it? Does anyone else feel like thhe are worthless and depressed most of the time/

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Hi, deanna0731--thank you for taking the time to post. We are so very sorry to hear about all you're going through.

Tell us a bit more about your insurance denials for spine surgery. Have you spoken to your insurance company's customer service about this? They are trained to investigate your case and provide you a detailed explanation why your plan won't cover a specific procedure. Sometimes, your plan specifies that you must first try less invasive or expensive treatments first before moving on to surgery. You might also ask customer service if you can submit a letter to your insurance company that explains your situation and asks that your plan cover the cost of the service as a one-time deviation from your plan. It's a long shot, but it's worth looking into.

As for your husband and other loved ones, please don't put extra pressure on yourself by wondering if you're doing enough. You might be surprised that they may wish they could do more for you and feel helpless in relieving your pain. We'd like to share this letter with you, which we think resonates with what you're doing through ( How to Support a Loved One with Chronic Spine-Related Pain ).

If there's one thing you take from this post, it's that you are not worthless. You are not worthless. You have significant, real pain that affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. It has dampened your quality of life. It's something you endure day in and day out. Please continue to visit us here in the Community and share how you're doing. We wish you the very best of luck.

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Hi Deanna.

I know this was a couple months ago, but hope you are feeling better emotionally. Many people cannot understand the feelings of depression or helplessness when we are feeling back pain, and just wanted you to know that I understand completely.

As a husband and father of three elementary aged children, it is a helpless feeling to not be able to participate and help out as much as I wish. I hope that you feel the importance that you have not only in your home, but in the life of your husband as well. It's not necessary to "do" so much physically, as it is to "be" someone that can bring a sense of comfort and happiness to the home. No it isn't easy to do when we feel depressed, but please know you are not and never will be worthless. Our real value comes from within, much more than we can do physically with our body.

Just wanted to answer your question and let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. Many of us have been there, or are there, but each day gives us the chance to be new, to be a positive influence in the lives of those around us, even when our body is telling us we cannot do that much. Laugh when you can, smile even if its not what you want to do, and that will radiate to your husband and those that care about you. Its not easy, I know. :)

Take care, Deanna.

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I absolutely understand! I feel useless and like everyone would be better off without me. I don't have a family. I am alone most of the time. I'm in a wheelchair because of pain. I've had a few health problems and I feel like an inconvenience. I had a lower lamectomy that didn't work out so well. Now I have problems with my neck. Pain is non stop. It feels like a migraine that never ever stops. Pain meds don't work. I just want you to know you are not alone you are important to your family. Remember if it were them hurting wouldn't you want to know so you could help them? Be kind to yourself.

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Yes feelings are mutual. As a man in my culture, I'm supposed to be the provider and although I'm providing by being on disability, my wife feels so frustrated that she can't help by blurting out her frustrations that when she married me she didn't know she'd have to go back to work.
It's amazing how family and friends look down on you and avoid you when you need them most because they're so upset they can't deal with seeing you in pain.
My advice your lucky if u can avoid surgery!

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