SpineUniverse Community Advice
Get help and share your story with others who know what you're going through.
Please register or log in to join the discussions!

god..surgery..ssd..helping a disabled person and being one..it the end of the rope.

Started by ragweed2011 on 09/01/2014 12:42am

i'm just strate out pist off. I've come to the realization today i'm old.
this surgery has taken everything away. I tried to do something today and I had no more arm strength.
surgery 2011.....everything going wrong in my life.... I fell on my back today from 4 feet. and landed on something that I thought for sure I broke the hardware in my back. x ray showed hardware was ok but L5 moved 1/8 inch in.
my whole back is bruzed and hurts bad. I went from being a godly person to hateing the world. WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I've had so many talks and no answers...i'm tired....I wasn't ment to be like this..there is no were to go to get answers....god isn't listening anymore.......remember anything... cant type right anymore.. I want free of this body.
someday ray just wont be here. I hope some of you on here make it.
i'm done .....tired....angree....lost my faith......

Do you find this discussion helpful?
0

17 Responses

Like/Dislike
0

I am praying your anger subsides.. I wore a full
Body cast for over a year . Too many issues to bore
You with at 57 I had my 2nd fusion of my lower lumbar
All the way down to my tail bone . I am free of daily pain
And this too shall pass. Had many days I prayed for death
As it would have been easy compared to living. God has
Other plans for me and I just saw and hugged my Grand
Baby :) so I lived threw the pain, dusted myself off and all
I have to do is turn on the Tv or see a wounded warrior
commercial and know there is someone worse off than I.
This too shall pass and by the grace of God go I . It takes
All your faith to get threw the hard times don't throw it away
God has a plan for you ... Chin up be strong ! Be a winner!
I'm praying for u .. God Bless , I am here if u want to talk about
Pain.. I'm a poster child ;)

Like/Dislike
0

sorry Susan,
I broke a rib too. hurts to breath.
god put me in my place and I just hit a wall.
hurting bad for two days now. slept both days. nothing is helping.
I hurt my self so bad I lost control of my bladder again.
had that happen for almost a year after the surgery. my nerves are so damaged
I couldn't feel my bowls or bladder. so I would wake in the morning with wet unders.
happened the past two days now.
not sure if it will stop again or not.
i'm disabled and i'm taking care of my disabled mother too.
I think god ran out of plates......he gave me a platter.
sorry I wrote that......but I ment it......i'm just about done.
i'm 43 and I have a life of a 60 year old man.
I even bruzz easy now.
I just don't have anymore left.
i'm very happy your pain free now.
thank god for that.
I think at the moment I feel what I wrote.
never know...in time if I heal ok....I might work on getting my faith back.
but bless you.
sorry you went threw so much to get to were you are now.
but i'm happy you had a good out come.
broken ray.

Like/Dislike
0

I certainly know how broken ribs feel . I fell last
Nov. and broke 3 and crack the sternum bone. I
Can blame no one but me lol once I started to go
It was like I was in slow motion .. I saw it before I
Hit the ground. Took a month before I could sleep
Laying down . Slept in my recliner ,, lived in it really.
But it did get better and you will too. Positive attitude
To get well helps . Do u have any help ? Siblings, or
Help from social service with your mom? There are
Programs where the state will send in a helper twice
A day for cleaning, laundry, making meals, I'm sure
Your area is like ours and had meals on wheels . If
U need help let's get you some help . It's out there
Just need to get the ball rolling .. You are to young to
Give up .., where do you live ? No shame in getting some
Help .. It would be a shame to suffer more than you
Need too.. Do you have a social worker. ? Human
Recourse can help..,if you can't afford to hire some
One. I am here to help you if I can. ..

Like/Dislike
0

hello susan,
well I have tried to get help for her here at home.
but meals on wheels only brought her a apple the first time they came.
so they were no help.
tried all the programs to have like a RN come in and help but she will not let any people in her home.
its a dead end.
but i'm getting better. I all most have the pocket of blood out of were I was cut.
moist heat is working......im doing better but still at a loss.
it is what it is.....nothing I can do.
I do have two other sisters.
but one is more sicker then me. and the other wont get involved for reasons.
im on my own here.
thank you for your support.
I don't get much of that.
god bless
ray

Like/Dislike
0

Now I know why people give in and just eat and sleep live away.
I have no friends. Little money from Uncle Sam. Stuck here.
Maybe I'm ungrateful. Thoughts that know me would say different.
I'm just tired. I have tried everything possible. I'm no longer happy.
Broke my Kane last night. Tired of it. Limping's just fine.
I don't think anyone can reach me now. I've given in.

Like/Dislike
0

Ray .. I don't know what to say? Unless you live on
An island there is help out there . I'm in Sc I have no idea
Where u are to even send u help . Call a hot line. Talk to
Someone in your area.. You have to try to get help the
Alternative choice is not a good one .. So chin up u are way
To young to give up ...ultimately up to u to make a call or reach
Out to a counselor or call a hotline a church a pastor? You ur
Sister ??

Like/Dislike
0

susan,
I've done all that.
really I have.......its me.
my body is broke.
but my mind will not except it.
everything I want to do I can't.....except one.
and when winter comes I can't do that till spring.
if I was like my mom 68 and disabled I could except it because I would have lived a full life.
but I was born what I thought normal till 2009.
I don't know how to live this way.
I can't set still I have to be doing something.
I want my life to have meaning and if I can't even help a person with something simple.
there's no point. if I was born with a illness then I would have grown to except it as the norm.
but my life has been taken from me. I feel about 5 or 6 days ago. I went to the hospital because I was sure I broke the hardware. but it was ok but my L5 moved in 1/8 of a inch. all of the new bone that grew the first two years after the surgery is GONE!!!!! were did it go.
I use to drive over the road most of my life. I was every were. I took a trip this summer just to see if I could do it.....if I could live some kind of happy life. I made it but went threw a full bottle of morphine down and back.. I have the memory but that's it. i'm happy that you care. you been there.
but I don't want to be older with more pain and no one to help.
I've always have had that happen to me.
when I wrote what I put at the top.... I was hurting very bad. like I am tonight.
I live in PA one of the worse states to be in if your sick.
I lost everything aug 2009. I lost a wonderful woman, my apartment and my job.
now i'm takeing care of my mother that sleeps all day.
its like being alone here. she has cancer and gave up long ago.
I made a appointment to see a counselor I seen before. one last attempt.
but thanks for understanding and caring.
ray

Like/Dislike
0

susan,
say a prayer for me please.
thank you.
ray

Like/Dislike
0

Sorry to hear you are in so much turmoil Ray. I remember reading a while back how excited and thankful you were to get your social security and to be able to help your mom. Maybe part of it is caregiver stress. You need to take time for yourself and find something to do you enjoy. Try to find a hobby of some kind. Even if it's doing a puzzle. I understand aging is hard, but it's part of life. We just have to accept it cause it's not going away. ...........Remember, we are what we think we are. So start thinking more about what you have instead of what you don't have. It does make it easier when you look at it like that. Remember things happen for a reason and we are just going along for a ride, where ever it takes us. Take care. Susie

Like/Dislike
0

You are in my prayers daily Ray... Please try and
To be positive in life . If u r disabled get help. I'm
Glad to hear you are going to seek counsel . You
Must try to get better

Like/Dislike
0

Susan,
well thank you for the positive input .
but thinks got even harder today.
my mom had me up for two days falling down and talking nonsence. me and my sisters think the cancer
went to her brain. I will know in three days. she had a cat can tonight.
i'm so heart broken. she asked me where my dad was tonight. he past in 2008.
i'm so lost and hurt.
she said in her own way tonight to me.
that its time for me to prepair for her to go.
I thank you for what you wrote.
yes things did get better when I got my ssd. but its never enough to live on. everyone on ssi or ssd knows its not enough.
but it is something.
but my back pain is a little better,
ill be praying for you sue and others.
hope your life is filled with peace and joy.
i'm trying to walk with out my kane now. yes still have the limp.
but maybe in time god will let me walk strate.
god bless
ray

Like/Dislike
0

Sorry to hear about your pain. Did you think of visiting another Dr. see if s/he can offer some other options to treading your medical issues. Some times a new set of eyes on the problem might open other avenues of treatment..

Like/Dislike
0

Ray,,i hope things are getting better.. My Mom 89 I live with all that to.. Losing a mom even tho they are still here is hard. Iam having issues with my spinal fusion not healing at hardware. no pain but in brace and DR says do zero for 6 weeks.. So I know disappointment. I have SSD too but I do have my husband to lean on..If I had to do it alone, be hard but I could..no choice. God does not give you more than we can handle so hang in there, Im praying for you ..Suzi

Like/Dislike
0

sorry I cant remember the one person that said to try and see another doctor.
NO i'm done with that......no more doctors and no more surgeries.
but thank you for the info.
SUSAN sorry to hear your going threw the hell stage of the surgery.
having to wear the body brace. and that your fusion isn't healing.
I know the feeling....all the new bone that grew in mine is all gone.
not sure I told you I fell a week or so ago. and the new x-ray showed it.
but yes I feel like i'm loosing it some days.
but I asked for a copy of my moms cat scan.
its all up and down her throat.
we will be told the results on this Tuesday.
but I know what its going to be.
she asked me to show her the scan.....I said lets wait to see what the doctor says.
I just can't tell her. I talked to my one sister today and said I feel like i'm alone here.
she said she would do this and that....I said its just me thinking out loud.
I can't say why.....but i'm in this to the end.
I did read a book called tears in a bottle that talks about all pain.
from what we are going threw to loosing a loved one.
it helped.....I don't cry so much now....it just had to remind me its apart of life.
but I will pray for you...I hope Jesus touches you and you fuse.
try not to do anything to hurt your self as in lifting ect.
god bless and thank you for replying.
ray.

Like/Dislike
0

Hi all, Ray, I totally understand how you feel. At 16 I had a spinal fusion from t4-l2. Life looked good after years in a Milwaukee brace. All was good. I became a nurse, got married and had 2 great sons who also went through the same as I did. In 92 I woke up feeling like I stepped on a rock. By the end of my shift it had crawled up my sciatic nerve into my lower back. My 1st doctor told me I was fine and to go back to work even though I was in pain. I went to several doctors who could find not a problem. The next doctor held up my MRI and said that I had a ruptured disc. I went through epidurals, caudal blocks, facet joint injections, acupuncture and every thing else offered. I had surgery and it was a failure. I became bedridden for a couple of years due to pain. A long time and many miles since. Now divorced because he wanted someone better, moved many miles away and worse off than ever. Now I have a bad knee and a multitude of different surgeries. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I am now hunting for help because walking is difficult and I am leaning to the left after 2 years with side pain. Turned out after complaining about the pain that my intestines had adhered to my tissue under my ribs. Now not only do I lean forward but now to the left. I refuse any more needles. I am now on Methadone for the pain. I try to keep my mind in a happier place. I learned meditation and I know that at 55, I have a lot of life left to live. I see a lot of people who are worse than I am. I could be worse, I could be really ugly!haha. I could put my mind in a bad place. Thinking down often leads to feeling down. You have to find something that gives you pleasure. You need to get away and do something just for you. See a movie, go to a beautiful place and buy your favorite food. Even if you only sit in your car. It's doing something for yourself. Be selfish just on occasion. Get your sister to watch Mom for a couple of hours just so you can go out a catch your breath. I will be thinking of you. Just remember that you are not alone, others know exactly what you are going through.

Like/Dislike
0

KATHY
very sorry to hear just how much pain your in.
I do not know how you make it from day to day after what they did to you.
I seen my pain doc today....he said my back moved after the fall.
and I got what I wanted in pain pills so I should be good for now.
yes I know there are others that are in worse shape then me.
but I still gripe....lol
as far as my sisters.........that's a joke.....they have homes to go back to.
so it's out of site out of mind for them.
plus my mom seen her doc today and it is as bad as I seen on her CT scan.
she wants to stop.
so she has about 4 months the way she is now and then down hill from there.
i'm happy for her..
enough is enough.
so.......thank you for the inspiration.
i'll be praying for you.
ray

Like/Dislike
0

P.S. KATHY
I wanted to say I also was left do to becoming sick.
I had a bad marriage from when I was 20 years old to 2000.
two girls out of it that were taken from me so more support would be paid and to make me pay.
I didn't destroy the marriage my wife had a bad child hood and bipolar.
and she had fun with another guy while I was working.
had many years of hell from this women.......no more now.
but in 2009 I met a school teacher.....from out side of the city were I live.
it turned out to be the best three years of my life except the last few weeks.
turns out do to the fact I wasn't able to fix things for her and wasn't a source of money.
even though she only had to wait 7 months.
and even during the time I didn't have money I was helping with 400.00 a month in food and being a maid....ect.
I was asked to leave. SAD......the strange thing is I didn't hate her or cry.
I didn't like what she said about me being handicap near the end ......but it was the best 3 years of my life.
I would have married her if I didn't get sick.
so it seems they all think the grass is greener but what comes around goes around.
we know that.
but I just wanted to share that with you.
ray.

SHOW MAIN MENU
SHOW SUB MENU
Cancel
Delete