A Letter to Santa from SpineUniverse
All We Want for Christmas Is for You to Lose Some Weight
First off, this isn't a letter asking for stuff. No, we sent that to you months ago. We like to get our orders in early and be on the "Nice Overachievers List."
Think of this more as an intervention letter. We're worried about you, Santa. We think you may have a little weight problem, and we want to help.
That little round belly of yours (that shakes when you laugh, like a bowl full of jelly) could lead to a host of other medical conditions, but of course, seeing as we're SpineUniverse, we're most concerned about how your weight and lifestyle affect your back.
We don't know if you have back pain; we've never heard you complain about anything, let alone spinal stenosis. But here's why we're worried:
- You have a very sedentary job most of the year. Toy making doesn't seem all that active, and you're probably hunched over carving wooden toys or whatever it is you do. Poor posture at work can lead to serious back and neck pain.
- All those cookies! In one night! Talk about holiday weight gain, Santa. Such a caloric overload just adds to your little round belly every year. Consider forgoing the cookies for these healthy snacks this year.
- You have a lot to lift, and you have to do it so quickly. A bag full of toys for every boy and girl in the world isn't light. And there's all the bending to place presents under trees—for you, Christmas Eve is a prime opportunity to use good body mechanics.
We care about you, Santa. We want you to enjoy your job for years to come. All we want for Christmas this year (excluding what we've already asked for) is a promise from you to lose some weight. You can do it. We believe in you.
P.S. Just a reminder: We'd also like a pony. And one of those exercise balls to sit on while working at the computer. Thanks.