New-Pain Management doctor won't help
Hi everyone, I'm new to the site, and am really glad I found it. I'm a 22 year old mom of 2 and wife of a soldier who is currently deployed to Iraq. I've recently been diagnosed with spondylolisthesis- grade 2, scoliosis, and degenerative disc disease. I've had back been ever since I can remember, but the turning point was when I was 16. I was in the first trimester of pregnancy with my first child, single, and living with my mentally ill mother. I was very very sick when I was pregnant, and she got drunk on her psychiatric meds, and beat the living hell out of me. She stomped on my head, back, and stomach, gave me a black eye, a bloody nose, a concussion and ripped about a 3 inch circle of hair out of my head. Ever since then I have been living with constant pain. Since I had my second child (who's now 17 months), my pain has been, unbearable most days. I couldn't get any doctors to listen to me, they refused to do any tests, they said I was too young to be in pain, and I just wanted pain medication. Finally, and ER doctor did an x-ray on my back after me going there at least 15 times in a year for it. Then I was diagnosed with all this crap, and sent off to a pain management doctor after I had an MRI.
The town I live in has no pain management offices, I have to drive an hour and a half to savannah, GA to see the doctor. At my first appointment, the doctor did a thorough exam, and put me on 10 mg loratabs, 3x a day. I was scheduled for a facet block procedure where I had to have a driver check in with me. The pain medication has done absolutely nothing for me, and my pain has progressively gotten worse since my husband deployed and I literally have to run a household with a special needs 4 year old and a toddler by myself. I had to cancel my procedure, because to be honest, I can't find anyone to drive me, or anyone to watch my kids long enough for me to go and have it done. I live where my husband and I have been stationed, and I have NO family within 900 miles. I have friends, but all their husbands are deployed too, and they can't get anyone to watch their kids to drive me 1 1/2 hours and back for a procedure. The nurse practictioner I saw at my 2nd appointment for medication refill said that they wouldn't even consider changing any of my medication or upping it until I had the procedure done. And if I ran out early and went into withdrawls again, that was my problem, and if it's not managing my pain, that's also my problem. So here I am now, out of pain medication, withdrawing, in a ton of pain, trying to push through everyday until my kids go to bed, then I just sit and sob.
I feel so helpless, and guilty for not being able to do the things with my kids that they deserve for me to do. I want to sit on the floor and play for hours, and go to the park and run around with them. My pain is so intense that I'm really starting to wonder why I even bother being alive. I have no quality of life, and my kids are suffering because their mom can't even walk through the entire grocery store. I miss my husband, and I never realized how much he really helped me out until he left. He worked 12-15 hours a day when he was home and still made sure he helped me when he got off work. I'm sure you can tell this is his first deployment.
Any advice anyone has would be really appreciated. I know this turned into a woe is me post, but I had to vent a little. No one around me understands what it's like to be in pain all the time.