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Depressed and feeling alone

Started by Depressed Mom on 11/24/2011 2:21pm

Well I guess the the title speaks for it's self. But I have been suffering from pain for years. 1991 Work accident, 2005 fall on an escalator and three car accidents one in 07 at low speed went into tree to avoid a boy sledding into the middle of the road, 09 rear ended and 10 hit in the front corner of my car, because an old man was not paying attention and took a turn when he wasn't supposed to.
I understand it's hard to live with someone that is in pain all the time. I am the cup half full type of person and like to joke around allot. It's my way of dealing with things.
Anyways, I have 2 children 13 & 17 and a husband.
I had surgery a year and a half ago to fuse c2-c3 and still do not have much movement in my neck. I still have pain there, but it helped some.
And I just had surgery on L-3/4 & 4/5 on November 4th. 3 weeks ago? My husband works allot because we are financially not doing well. I applied for disability last year and got denied. My work would not take me back after the second accident because I was seen as a liability. I do understand even though I was just a cashier.
Anyways my husband didn't come home for my surgery and has tried not to be home on weekends (he works out of state for the moment) He thinks my kids are fine to take care of me. I haven't been able to drive since the surgery because my right leg can't lift to the left.
Today is Thanksgiving and he took my kids and himself to the next state over to his mothers and left me alone. Is this as bad as I am thinking. I feel like I am going out of my mind. I have been crying all day. I feel like it's not fair. My husband does allot of other crappy stuff and blames me for everything. And nothing I do is good enough. I can't leave because I don't have a job and cannot support myself. I would like to leave when my daughter is settled in college, and I could live happily with my son. He plays head games with the kids. My daughter hardly talks to me. But my son is very sincere and loving. I love them both and hate that this is going on. I feel lost, depressed and don't know what to do. I guess I was wondering if anyone else goes through this. I keep everything inside, try to put up a good front. And try not to complain about pain. My daughter thinks that's all I talk about. But I don't??? I think that is coming from my husband. She also says other things that I know have to come from somewhere else. There are a ton of other bazaar things that he does, but then I would have to write a novel (: He is treating me like I had a tooth pulled and I should be shaking this all off, cleaning, doing laundry, bills etc.
If anyone has any advice I would be truly grateful. My friends understand but I need advice from people sitting on the outside. I feel like it is all too bazaar and not happening?

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2 Responses


Dear depressed mom,
First of all i want you to know i have read your post and my heart aches for you!I hear your pain,none of this is your fault,i know it is a crappy situation and a hand that got dealt to you that you did not ask for.My story is similar to yours,living with pain every day.I have been going on 2 and a half years from a work related injury,i have found a lot of love and support from people on this site who are going through the same stuff than me ,if not worse.I don't know your religious background but i want to tell you God loves you and cares about every single detail in your life,He will never leave you or forsake you even when others fail us.I have found my faith to be the biggest thing that has kept me going.I promise right now as i write this post i am lifting you up in prayer.
Take Care,
Many Blessings,
Nurse Nancy


Dear depressed mom, I agree 100% with nurse Nancy!! I too feel your pain, it is sometimes really hard to understand why things in our life happen the way that they do. I believe that every thing happens for a reason (even the awful stuff) and the Lord wants us to learn from it and use it as a positive. Like nurse Nancy said I don't know what your faith is or not, and I don't mean to sound preachy but this is honestly where I find my strength. My husband sounds a bit like yours when you say he expects you to clean, do laundry, bills etc. I have to remind myself that men in general FIX THINGS and when they can't they feel like they have failed its just they way they are wired to think. I'm sure that he feels that if you were able to do the things you used to then you would be FIXED. It probably really effects him (more than you realize) that you are in pain ALL THE TIME and he can't help you. That could be the reason that he is not home very often (denial that you are not ok) he fills his mind with work instead. I am happy that you have friends to talk to and just remember you need to do what is best for YOU!! If you are not being treated well you are the only one that can change that, there are all kinds of resources out there ($$) Don't allow someone to treat you with disrespect because of $$ otherwise you will never find the right time to stand up for yourself :) AND YOU ARE WORTH IT!! take care Kim