sever pain after spinal fusion.
hello to the many who have under gone this hellish surgery, you thought you would be better to get this done but soon after you realized it was a huge mistake. you thought how could it get worst? you went ahead and signed the waver to allow the surgeon to operate, you wore a neck brace for weeks and you took pain meds to help for pain, but you now live in debilitating pain daily and your quality of life is VOID! well I understand completely, and I am fed up with the doctors acting like GOD and like they have POWER! I have lived in sever pain most my life I went to many doctors during my life time only to be called a hospital shopper and drug addict, while I never took my meds to get high or anything of the kind. I took them as prescribed and I took even less then prescribed on some days wear the pain was less. my biggest mistake in life was to tell my pain doctor I was depressed due to pain. he then labeled me as " physical pain with philological factors" LOL...so PISSED OFF!!. even while I told him I was depressed because "I could not due the things I seen normal men doing" and that this was my reason for depression. he still labeled me this way. so one day I took matters into my own hands I smoked weed and then went to pain management YES I took a huge risk I did this due to feeling LOST, the fact is I have been on methadone for 6 years and taking no more then 30mg a day of it to help for pain, I never went above this dose. but one day I woke up realizing that the pain meds just were not working and simply masking the real reason that I was in pain. the fact was I had more BONE SPURS and a herniated c3 and c4 with pain from a fusion to c6 and c7 that I had in September of 2009. so yes I went ahead and smoked weed at least "it made me smile and deal with the pain in a different way", "at least i was happy and not so depressed". so I told my doctor that I did this because he piss tested me the very same day that I smoked this weed. I told him the truth and he labeled me even worst then before with just being depressed. so now everywhere I go in life this record will follow me, no matter who I ask for help they will pull my records and tell me they cant prescribe me meds LOL. and this is not what I am after at all I want a resolve!! so now I must do what ever it takes to be well and not in pain right? this is a daily HELL. I cant even find a doctor to do surgery to get those bone spurs out of my neck. IN FACT! every doctor I have seen these days has been telling me lies. they say to me " your MRI'S came back fine" so what I did was to send my MRI'S away to a place called "laser spine institute" they asked me to send them my report and my x-rays I was asking them to help me "via non evasive laser surgery" well guess what they told me? " they told me I did not qualify because I had real bad things going on in my neck that was out of there scope, and that I had several BONE SPURS in my neck and a herniated c3 and c4. and that I needed to be seen locally and fast. well now I ask why are they playing around with me? while all I ask for and pray for is an answer to stop the pain. IF THEY DONT WANT TO PRESCRIBE MEDS TO ME WHY WONT THEY SIMPLY FIX ME? this is all I am trying to do. I do not want to live on pain meds my whole life and I have made this clear to everyone. but when I received my surgery in September for the bone spur that was pushing against my spine and received the fusion to c6 and c7 why the hell didn't they take out the rest of the spurs? why allow a person to suffer? so I say this today I AM GOING TO TAKE THINGS A LITTLE FURTHER I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I want to do it in a way that is peaceful quiet and I wish to fall asleep. there is not one day that goes by that I do not think of doing this. every single day I wake up and go to bed I am thinking of ways to DIE. your not alone out there. if anyone knows what I should do to frigging get some real help PLEASE SHARE IT!! before I really take my life. I am not being dramatic hear this type of pain is absolutely horrible. they have diagnosed me with something called trigeminal neuralgia and occipital neuralgia. and spinal stenosis and something related to failure of body. and there is more to mention but I will leave it out. sorry I vented hear. I am so lost..