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Coping with depression

Started by nanax2 on 05/01/2013 3:34pm

Brand new to site. Have to learn to navigate it. A year ago I had a lumbar fusion on L2,3,4,5. It was excruciating. Like a fool, I went back to my job as a special education teacher. I'm 61 and wanted to get one more year in before I retire. Well, I was breaking up a fight, got jumped and injured my neck. That resulted in a cervical fusion on C5 and 6. It also caused the lumbar section to weaken and I have to have that looked at now. I am three weeks out from the cervical surgery and have a lot of pain between my shoulder blades and can not turn my neck. My legs are so painful and sensitive all the way down the front. My balance is off and I am very weak. Can not start PT yet due to weakness. I am taking short walks with my cane. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, like very supportive family, but I feel my life has been taken from me. I am having to sue the school district as they claim I can't prove that I was hurt during this fight even though I documented everything. I was always very active, running and teaching yoga. I am looking at a lifetime of pain management. This was not how I wanted to retire. My weight has gone up even so I eat well. I am managing pain with vicodin and Cymbalta. Has anyone else felt guilt for being depressed? Thanks for letting me sound off.

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hey me too depression issues,get super nutrition super foods,keeps depression at bay belive me get a heavy stone neclase or a strip of tigerstone wear it ull be amazed.i did this 1 day /night ...no morphine 2 days ,then it broke the clasp ,im serious look up the properties or how it works ,sounds silly ,ddd l3-4 4-5 and vicodened out 6yrs and morphined out 6 yrs now gota seek surgery ,seekn advice on lasor spine instatute in arizona.hope u get well ,this is amazing how if u dont got insurance ur forced to become a wreck by dope ,to barely function.peace love happieness to all of u sufferers.


You should of considered disability after your lower back fusions.
Yes we all wanted to go back to work. For our own reasons.
Be being disabled is like your first born child. There's no instructions on what to do.
Or to expect. I'm 41. L4/L5 to pelvis. L5 fusions failed. I live every day in pain. Like most here.
I fully or foolishly expected to go back to driving tractor trailer. 2nd generation drive.
Had surgery 2011. Depression is I know with me. Came first. I really didn't and still at times don't want to live anymore. I had to go threw 3 doctors till I found the right one. Plus medication.
It's hard. If it was easy it wouldn't be worth fighting for. I would wake up crying. Or swearing because I prayed to die in my sleep. This is a new stage of life to learn to live. Remember when you were a child.
You had to learn to grow to a teenager. Then if you got married and had kids. You had to learn to be a parent and responsible. And at this point you as well as me should be learning to grow old with someone we love. Healthy as we could. But this is new. No more 6am alarm. No more long hours of rewarding work.
No more allot of things. No one noes how to be disabled or in pain pain pain all the time. My depression has dropped allot. Now it's every now and then. But anger is next. I was and still am to a point. Pist off at the world. And god. But he already new that. Get a good therapist. Find one that works for you. Now the pain. Fight to get what you need to feel conferrable. No amount of pain meds gets rid of all the pain. Try to find the small simple things out side on the porch that you can see to start that takes your mind off things.
In time you will learn ways to deal with it. My anger was so bad. I was tempted on night to go to a bar. Find the biggest guy there. And kick his ass to get it out. But I've gotten medication that calms me when I feel it coming on. Anti depressants work. It's just finding one that works for you. Get as much counseling as you can. But most of all. Keep trying. Don't give up. I own a gun. I had it to my head several times.
But I think of god. As I was a new born he had my life all planned out.
And this is apart of his plan. So I sold the gun. Everyone will get old. Everyone will have a different health problem they feel is the end of there life. No. It's just another part of life's stage of learning. If my Counselor seen me write this he would drop over. Lol. But it's true. Fight. This is the last 1000 feet of the race of life. We have to cross the finish line. I'm in your shoes. I know what your feeling and thinking.
But. As much as I'll hurt tomorrow morning. Think of a reason to wake. I have to. It ain't over till god days it is. Things will get better. Promise. But get help. It's there job to teach the lesson we are learning now.
You will make it.
God bless you.


hi nanax2 --- your depression is as normal as apple pie........you have ever right be depressed, and accepting that fact (as you already have done) is a good step in the right direction. I hope and pray you are dealing with caring pain management people......and that they notice you are dealing with a lot right now. They may offer some choices for you to get you thru this horrid period -- especially when you are homebound and not able to be active. There are even some serotonin-builder medicines out there which ?may? be an alternative -- just for awhile........depending upon how your doctor and pain specialist feel about those as a Helper....and, of course, how you feel about it as well.

I, too, am a retired teacher -- and I do so hope that dealing with your school district becomes a better experience. It sounds as if your documentation should be a big help -- but it all may just take time.

You've come from a lifetime of good activity down to probably 'nothing' right now -- and finding some small ways in which to help yourself while you need to rest is something you may wish to give some thought to. I know some of these 'little suggestions' may seem mundane, but maybe some of them will work for you: keep internet blogs going about what you are thinking; join some survey groups online that earn pennies for your time; get some good free games going on your computer or tablet. If you have a way to make a 'nest' while your back and neck are in a good position, consider a journal or daily emails to a good friend who will answer you back during the day; try to get some soft gel packs if ice is a good way to lower pain when you are getting some goodness out of your vicodin and Cymbalta; some parts of some days the heating pad might be the way to lower the pain for awhile.....let your pain specialist be the guide on that one; surround yourself with pillows when you sit on the recliner -- giving your back and spine as much support as it can so you can relax. Giving ourselves time is such a hard thing to do -- especially when we have been active and giving to others as you have been doing for decades of your life. You need to replace those activities, even if they are minor bits of ?something? -- because that's all
your body is going to be able to do for awhile -- while you are healing.

You don't need to feel guilty for your depression -- you've already made the biggest step -- you are willing to 'talk about it' with others...........

We're hear to listen -- and if it is just venting anger and frustration - then we are the better ones to vent on than your family. None of us will be able to 'hold a grudge' or be upset because you were having a bad day.

I wish you good fortune on the healing you need to do. I look forward to reading your posts again -- and answer you again............