I'm one angry bird!
Now that the dust has settled I need to vent. I am so angry with myself for spending the past couple of days acting like I'm just fine, and all the walking we did was fine, and all the sitting, was fine. I was acting like I was recovering from a sprained ankle and not a 3 level lumbar fusion. I wanted so badly to let everyone think I was just fine! I'm not fine! I'm hurting and I don't even know who I am this hobbling person with the big stupid smile on my face. I so desperately don't want to be like my sister who has "suffered" for so long with "chronic pain " now that I have the pain I have from this surgery I look at her and think in my heart I really do believe she is a hyperchondriac. There is nothing she doesn't do except talk about how much pain she is in but I don't see it... Ever. All of her movements are normal, she walks fine, bends fine, can paint a room, vacuum etc. everyone knows this and I don't want to be labelled as she is. I feel like I over compensated over the holiday. I wanted everyone to see that I was getting better because I am so afraid if I don't ill fall into the trap she's in. She had a work injury and I think she has an ulterior motive for keeping this going for herself. God strike me dead if she is truly suffering then she deserves to not work or provide for herself. Anyway, I'm super frustrated that my behavior was trying to show everyone how great I'm doing.... WTF!! No I'm miserable. Aching and in pain so bad I can barely walk.